Definition of Today’s Word Lover: Lethologica
Ummm… when you can’t think of the word for something. www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au
Ummm… when you can’t think of the word for something. www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au
In every audience’s mind, there are 3 unconscious questions. How well you answer them determines as to whether your audience will keep listening to you.
Interestingly, these 3 questions aren’t restricted to an audience evaluating a speaker. Whenever we are introduced to someone new or consider buying a new product, we ask ourselves the same 3 evaluative questions and objections without consciously realising it.
Whether we shop for groceries, analyse the government budget or listen to a colleague speak at a meeting, these are the same critical 3 questions in the mind of your audience every time.
You may now be re-evaluating the last time you spoke, whether it was in a small meeting, large group or a networking event. Did you establish the answer to those questions with your listeners? And did you do it right up front to counter unconscious objections so they quickly became engaged and interested?
Answer those 3 unspoken questions in the first few minutes and your audience credibility escalates. Your listeners will relax and be open to hear what you say, because you listened to them, first.
As an added bonus, you’ll find it easier to write speeches, presentations and workshops if you begin by answering those 3 unspoken questions for yourself, right up front.
Persiflage refers to a style of playful speaking called “light banter”. The conversationalists bat a verbal ball back and forth as it were. Persiflage also sounds like words beaten softly against your skin, don’t you think?) www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au
True confession. I have panic attacks at the dentist. In fact last time I went I was so embarrassed I didn’t go back for 5 years. Hence my 4 treatment visits this year. Luckily I’m rich. Well, not any more.
The thing is, apart from now being the proud owner of immaculate hole-free teeth, I learned a lot from my new dentist. He embodied the Art Calm Under Pressure. And it wasn’t just the generous supply of Rescue Remedy flowing like champagne from the dental spit cup. It was so much more!
1. Glide, Don’t Run
Nothing generates fear faster than abrupt, staccato movement. In body language terms it implies: “I’m busy!”, “I don’t have time for you!”, “Lets’ do this fast!” or even, “Danger, Will Robinson!” Darting, shifting or avoiding eye contact does not inspire confidence; instead they suggest a lack of mindful presence – the dentist would rather be somewhere else or you have a big big problem in your mouth that’s going to require a semi trailer and a crane.
On the other hand, a smooth glide says “I”m with you. I have time for you. I am paying you attention and do not intend to go anywhere else.” Willingness to make eye contact builds trust and rapport and you know, they are in it for the long haul. They truly see you and even understand your muffled questions. Their movements are languid and unruffled, suggesting an inner, saint-like calm.
Am I laying it on too thick? Well too bad. It worked for me! And of course, I joyously embraced (great distraction) analysing the parallels between nervous public speakers and nervous dental clients.
2. Reframe In The Positive
This dentist of mine kept up a steady stream of praise and positive feedback. I noticed when he said: “Oh this is going so well. Just a little bit longer”. My cynical mind vaguely registered he may be telling porkies, but in that moment I chose to suspend suspicion and go with the trust option. He gently suggested it was a good idea to buff and polish to finish it all off. “Buff and polish” sounds delightful, like a luxurious manicure you can only afford to get in Bali.
I now describe myself as a “Buff & Polish Survivor.” Two long months later and a lot of sensitive-teeth toothpaste have allowed the trauma of dental jackhammer ripping through my jaw bone, of trying to remember to do yogic breathing but really, just praying to a god I didn’t believe in, to get through it.
OK, I’m not intending to make a case for using misleading language. What I relearned was the power of language to influence and persuade. And how powerfully it can be used to settle anxiety and induce calm. And it can be used for the power of good or evil. Just choose wisely folks.
3. Build Confidence
Working with nervous people necessitates sensitive interpersonal people skills and the ability to build rapid trust (“trust me, I’m a dentist!”). My dentist was very smart. He set out a plan of 4, sixty minute sessions. We began with the initial consult, a modern X-ray (boy things have changed in 5 years) and a tooth and gum brushing lesson (use a 45 degree angle on your gums). He even gave me a Utube link to watch professional teeth brushing.
Session 2 comprised of a review of my new teeth brushing skills (I got a gold star) and a simple upper jaw filling plus 1 needle. Easy. I breezed through the second appointment without even crying! A first!
Oh dear. Sessions 3 and 4 he had strategically left to last. By building my confidence in handling dental treatment I was amazed to experience hell in the dental chair. 3 needles at one point had to be administered. But handled it, I did. He was wise to leave the worse to last because if they had been first, I would not have returned and my panic would only have deepened.
The thing is, I survived. I’m a better public speaking coach for it. And, I have fabulous teeth. When I am coaching and training clients to work with groups, especially of a diverse and sensitive nature, I share the insights I was reminded of at the dentist:
1. Glide, Don’t Run – Slow down, relax and be present.
2. Reframe In The Positive – Choose your words carefully as they carry impact.
3. Build Confidence – Learning requires risk taking and that requires confidence and trust.
Have you booked your next dental appointment? If so, I encourage you to observe your dentist carefully for the unexpected pearls you may pick up. In the meantime, feel free to join me at my one day workshop in Newcastle on June 29th or 4 day Public Speaking Goddess Retreat in Bundanoon NSW on Nov 22-25, 2016. And yes, nuts and ice cream will be on the menu so get your teeth done at least 2 months before!
As above! Just trying to pronounce it would induce fear in most sane and literate people.
“A fear of long words.” www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au
Slow down when you speak, and you will calm your speaking nerves. When you slow down, your listeners have time to drink in your words, ideas and you. When your body is grounded, relaxed and balanced, the ripples of calm extend to your heart, mind, message and audience. www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au
Ever tried to convince people to change their behaviour? How did that go for you?
Watch TED Talk, How To Use A Paper Towel 5 minute video by Joe Smith and learn how to:
Joe Smith, a USA lawyer, has a thing about reducing the outrageous waste of using too much paper towel when you dry your hands. Small thing to you perhaps, big thing for forests and pollution. In just under 5 minutes, Joe teaches the audience How To Use A Paper Towel with his simple technique – “Shake and Fold”. By asking the audience to call out the steps he simultaneously engages their attention, reinforces learning, increases ownership and makes it fun.
I’ve been using his technique now for years. It works! Saves paper and gives me a glow of virtuous satisfaction every time.
Watch How To Use A Paper Towel and learn not only how to dry your hands efficiently, discover how to imprint a persuasive argument and promote positive behaviour change in less than 5 minutes. Tip: Notice he introduces only one idea and sticks to it.
The powerfully confident voice communicates far more than mere facts and data. It conveys subtle unspoken messages in vocal tone, pace, attitude and emotion.
Audiences assess how authentically aligned you are with your topic, how confident you feel, your opinion of them and thus they can draw conclusions about your competence, capability and sincerity through the tone of your voice. Use your tone to handle challenges confidently.
If you speak too quickly many people will miss your message because they are still processing your Point 1 when you have moved onto Point 3. If you speak too slowly or without variation, they may fall asleep. Use vocal variation to tell the audience when something is important (slower) or when you want them to take action now (faster). If you are speaking to a challenging person I find it wise to slow down, switch on all your senses and listen to what they are not saying as well. Your ability to read people effectively is enhanced when you are in control of your pace.
Whether you or audience members are angry, nervous or relaxed during your presentation, always speak with firm compassion. You just don’t know what kind of day a person is having – they could have been up all night with a crying baby, have just lost a loved one, may have been told to come to your workshop and they don’t want to – don’t assume their less than positive attitude is personally directed toward you. Keep your voice level and neutral and drop assumptions.
As the leader, keep your emotions well managed so they do not interfere with your presentation. Treat everyone equally and respectfully. If a participant is rude, keep emotions in check and role model emotional maturity through behaviour and voice. If you fall to pieces, who will keep the audience safe and on track? Let firm compassion flow through your powerfully confident voice as you speak to yourself, as well as your audience and people in your care.
“The act of wearing incredibly uncomfortable shoes because they look fabulous.”
Perfectly valid… for 15 minutes. www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au
Clarity of purpose acts like a rudder, steering listeners through the main points of your presentation in logical progression. Logical progression provides illumination, building understanding if not agreement. Understanding builds acceptance of different points of view to hold the interest of listeners through to the very end. www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au