It’s What You Learn That Counts
We all have tough times and sometimes you don’t want to talk about them, ever.
But if you are ready to consider them, think about what you learned. It’s the learning that’s character-forming. Not whether you succeeded or failed, but what you learned as a result. And if that learning benefits you, then it will likely benefit others. And that’s the basis of good story telling.
Often, it’s the so-called “failures” that provide the most benefit. Knowing not to do something again, is powerful. It’s the beginning of wisdom and confidence in yourself to make the best choices for you. No mistakes or scary challenges equals a boring stunted life.
Here’s a bad experience of my own turned into good story telling:
I was second speaker at a conference, talking about the elusive mystery of work life balance. So elusive, the first speaker was missing. He eventually turned up twenty minutes late and spoke AT the audience instead of WITH them. I had to re-energise, re-engage and refocus a hostile audience. I gained a lot of value from that crappy experience. It propelled me to morph into a specialist public speaking coach.
He Lost Me At “Hello”
Here’s how I translated that bad experience into a two minute introductory story:
“It was hot, it was sticky… it was a tropical conference at the top end of Australia.
A government minister was to open the conference and he was twenty minutes late. In he shuffled apologetically, flanked by four flunkies. He hid behind the lectern and studiously read a long jargon filled paper, clearly written by somebody else. His voice was a fast monotone, his were eyes cast down. Who was this man? Why was he here?
I had no idea what he was talking about because his language was unclear and so was his point. I looked around. The audience was more interesting than him. There were a lot of glazed eyes, long suffering sighs and checking of text messages…
I didn’t hear the rest of his speech because, “He lost me at “hello”.
Two important things I learned at that hot, sticky conference:
One: When a speaker fails to acknowledge, engage and be relevant to his audience, they switch off and stop listening.
Two: What is the point of speaking if no one is listening?
As I was the speaker following him, I felt jittery. He was not only over time, but he’d lost our audience. This meant I had to work hard to regain attention and respect from the audience and keep my own spirits up after a dismal start.
The turning point for me was the realisation that there was an opportunity here. I already knew how to help people feel confident, craft scintellating messages and sensitively lead groups. Right then I decided to switch from life coach to speaking coach. I chose to specialise in showing nervous speakers how to relax and give themselves and their audience a good time. A time they would value and remember.
The result of that initially bad experience of the first speaker, the one who “lost me at hello”, is this public speaking course that you’ve signed up for today: “Free Your Inner Public Speaker. Welcome!“
When you begin your speech with sharing a personal story, it begins a relationship with your audience. Start with a simple, graphic opening line. Pause to let the audience catch up and have their own experience of relating to what you said. Briefly tell the rest of the story. Tell what you’ve learned from that experience and how it relates to the purpose of your talk. Engage their interest first. Then explain how it is relevant to them. Make eye contact one person at a time.
Drop Trying To Be Clever
Don’t struggle with trying to put something “clever” or “perfect” together (that’s a “should” coming from your head). Instead, take a leap to trust your instincts (coming from your body and heart) that what tumbles from your lips will be good enough. It’s your true story in glory and simplicity. Your story telling just may a bit of polish.
The key is to practise again from a fresh perspective, using what you learned from your first story telling practise. Ask yourself each time: What flowed and felt good? What didn’t?
Don’t Forget To Pause
Taking the time to pause often while you speak, gives you time to gather your thoughts, tune into your feelings and speak from that place. It allows your listeners to catch up and travel along with you.
Sometimes speakers feel nervous or believe they don’t have anything of value to say, so they too speak quickly or nervously fade away. Which are fabulous ways to lose your audience. The “pause” draws people in – they want to be with you, because you are with them. Pausing is natural and normal and feels like relief.
It’s Your Turn
Choose a story from your past, it may be twenty years ago, it may be yesterday. Choose a turning point for you, a significant learning that caused you to change, grow or overcome a problem. Or maybe you didn’t overcome it. Perhaps that was the valuable learning.
Take a closer look at the format I used for my turning point story above, “He Lost Me At Hello”.
Right now I want you to resist writing out your turning point story so it doesn’t get caught up as a carbon copy of the one above. Writing things out perfectly often leads to memorising and sounding like a stiff piece of cardboard. Trust yourself you can tell your story, what you learned from it and what you can therefore share or teach others, because… you were there… how could you forget?
Distill The Essence
Start by recalling the story… identify what you learned… and then distill the essence into something you find valuable and can assume your potential listeners will too.
Now say it out loud. It’s ok to ramble a few times. It’s may be easier to practise with some one else. Get the guts out, then reduce and create a good story telling picture. Remember to pause as you recall it and to allow listeners to share in the picture you are painting. Another benefit of saying it out loud first, is your language will sound more natural.
If you want to write it out, you can do it now! And if you’d like to learn the rest of the “He Lost Me At Hello” story, you can download it from my free Treasure Chest of public speaking goodies.
Good Story Telling Is Not Just For Kids
You don’t need to spill secrets, share personal tragedies or make up stories to create drama and get attention. A good story contains all the elements of life: a problem, the journey to resolve, the joy and pain of the learning. Your private life is private. You choose your level of disclosure… and you can bend the truth a little… especially if it makes even better story telling! Adults and children understand that a story is a metaphor for a powerful life lesson. It contains a core of truth. What’s most important is the learning, because that’s what you are transmitting, the learning you gained from your tough time so that others benefit from the wisdom of your experience.